Dreams

Have you ever had a dream that was so real that it lingers for awhile?  I have had a few, but two of the worst dreams I've had involved someone I love dearly dying.  Last night I had one of those dreams.  I don't remember the details clearly, but our oldest died and I was so overcome with grief that I woke up crying, my chest hurting so badly, it was as though my heart was breaking into a million pieces. 

After, I laid there praying.  Praying I never have to experience the loss of my child and feel the grief and sorrow that comes with that.  I don't know why I dreamt this, but that maybe someday I will have the opportunity to minister to someone in that spot.  Maybe it's so I will hold on to my boys when they love on me. 

There is a country song that talks about the different stages of life.  We are so badly yearning for the next phase, not taking the time to stop and really enjoy the moment we are in.  Have you heard this song?   Each time I hear it, I'm reminded to stop and just enjoy where I'm at.  For each phase of life goes by so quickly.  And LIFE gets in the way.  It's easy to just trudge through and not enjoy the tender moments that life is REALLY about.

My kids are growing up so fast.  We have an almost 14 year old, soon to be Freshman in High School.  He's becoming a man.  But even in that, when I tuck him in each night he clings to me.  Won't let me go.  Hold my hand (of course when no one is looking).   He still wants to cuddle with me.  I'm savoring each moment I have with him and my other two as well. 

This is him sitting between my legs on
the couch.  Something he does often.

I think that dream last night, renewed my love for my boys.  First thing I did this morning was gather them into my arms and tell them how much I loved them and how proud of them I am.  I don't feel that I can tell them enough. 

Thank you Lord for three of the greatest gifts you could have given me.  Help me to cherish my moments with them, good or bad, for soon they will be gone.  Help me to live in the moment and not look toward the future.  For now is where I need to be.  --- Amen.

Step in the right direction

"Mom, have you ever done something and then wished you could go back and undo it?"

That was the question that one of the boys posed to me yesterday.  This comes after he has had to learn a hard lesson about choices he made.  He was dealt the consequences by Joel and I, and it appears that we have made an impact. 

Something I have been learning is to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  This is so extremely difficult for me.  I tend to be quick on the draw, something that is totally opposite of Joel.  He reacts slowly and is more rational in the moment.  At times it is so frustrating for me.  I just want to "get in and get out" as he likes to say.  But yesterday, I was given a gift at seeing the fruit of my labor. 

When we were faced with the above situation this week, Joel had to give me "the look" to remind me to not react yet.  I literally had to bite my lip to keep from reacting.  We listened and sent said boy off to his room so we could discuss the consequences.  At first, we didn't agree on how to handle it.  But eventually, I saw the wisdom in Joel's approach and we dealt with the problem. 

It has been a good week since.  There has been an open line of communication between me and said boy.  And then yesterday happened.  He came into the room where I was working and sat down next to me. 

"Mom, have you ever done something and then wished you could go back and undo it?" 

Cha-ching!  Fist pump!  Happy dance!  It got through!  He got the message.  He understands.  Oh Son!  I'm so proud of you.

"Of course, Son, lots of times.  Some more serious than others, but yes.  There are regrets."  We talked some more about what he has learned and he was so proud to share with Joel later what he learned. 

This was a gift from God.  A high-five per se.  We did something right.  We got through and it opened up the door of communication that much more. 

"Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."  James 1:19

So it is worth it to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because it's not just for your sake, but also for those around you. Those that see and hear the way you react. Your kids, your friends, your family, strangers even.  The way we conduct ourselves impacts others.  So how do you want to impact someone's life?  I know I want my actions to be ones that lead others to the righteous life God desires.

Time to get our Par-Tay on!

Nicholas is 6 today!! 

To the boy who does everything with Passion and Excitement....

Happy Birthday! 

We love you!

Ok...so I'm slacking

Yeah Yeah Yeah...I know.  It's been forever since I posted last.  Been just a tad busy these days.  School has started...for all five of us.  Yep!  ALL five!  Joel joined us this year to make it a family endeavor.  I thankfully have one more semester after this one and them I'm done!  Can't wait.  It has been a fun challenge for me and I may continue, if I feel the need to, ya know, stress more than I already do.  So this is what's happened since my last post...

Like I said, school started!  This year we have a 7th grader, 5th grader (aka last year of elementary), and a Kindergartener.  Nicholas was so excited to join the boys that for the first two weeks it was all we could do to get him to settle down.  He was bouncing off the walls.

Nicholas was a little nervous as we entered his classroom.  He made sure that I followed him in, but then sat right down and listened to all his wonderful teacher, Mrs. Gomes, had to say.

This is the point in the morning when Mrs. Gomes said it was time to say good-bye to their parents.  I about lost it.  Honestly, I'm quite proud I didn't.  What kept me from losing it?  See the little boy next to Nicholas in the picture below?  The one wearing the brown and yellow plaid shirt?  He was staring directly at me, looking me right in the eye.  I didn't want to be "That Mom". 

So I held it together with a HUGE lump in my throat, kissed and hugged my baby's sweet neck one more time and regretingly dragged myself out of the room and to the car where I was...alone.  Oh the quiet. Yes, I have been in the car alone before.  But this felt different.  When David started Kindergarten Connor was 2.  When Connor started Kindergarten Nicholas was a baby.  I haven't had five mornings a week to myself. 

I have to say that it feels nice.  Now, I don't have my mornings all to myself since I still have the twins that I watch each day, but I do get at least 30 minutes.  30 sweet, beautiful, peaceful minutes to do as I want.  Hey, I'll take what I can get. 

Flying by

Summer sure is flying by fast.  It has been a pretty quiet summer in our house this year.  I have to say that when it first started I was bummed that the kids wouldn't get to get out and do many activites (ie: swimming lessons, sports, movies, etc) but now that August is here, I'm pretty glad it's been a lazy summer. 

We have enjoyed a few things.  The older two boys made it up to Redding for a few days to visit their cousins from Idaho and Grandpa and Grandma.  Nic had a Summer Camp to prepare him for Kindergarten.  He absolutely loved it and thrived!  He can't wait for Kindergarten now!!  The boys enjoyed a weekend with Papa while Joel and I celebrated our 13th Anniversary in Reno and another weekend the David and Connor went camping at Bodega Bay with my parents and some cousins as well. 

We became members of the Oakland Zoo and enjoyed time gazing at the animals.  We took our bikes to Golden Gate Park and had a fantastic ride with my parents for the day finishing it up with pizza at Goat Hill Pizza and a beautiful drive over the Golden Gate Bridge.  David and I both had birthdays.  He turned 12 and me...well, who really needs to know that anyway, right?

My Dad took Nic to an Oakland A's game one day too.  They had a great time.  Nic LOVED having Papa all to himself and according to my Dad, he ate, and ate, and ate. 

And lastly, Joel and my Dad were part of the filming for the new Brad Pitt movie Moneyball.  They were filming at the Oakland Coliseum.  What an experience! 

School starts for the kids in three weeks.  David will be in 7th grade, Connor 5th, and Nicholas starts Kindergarten.  And in two weeks Joel and I are headed back to college to take a few classes ourselves.  I have a feeling that this fall will be pretty crazy with all five of us in school, plus Joel traveling with work. 

So I'm choosing to enjoy each lazy day and the slow pace we have all fallen into.

Celebrate...

You're the one that made us parents.

You made Grandparents.

You love to have fun.

You have always loved video games.

You rock at being a big brother.

You make us proud. 

 

We love you so much David.  We are so proud to be your family. 

We have been blessed to have you in our lives.

Happy 12th Birthday David!

Love,

Your Family

Note:  David's actual birthday was June 2nd.  I'm a little behind these days.

Out of the Mouths of Moms

Have you caught yourself saying some crazy, unbelieveable things to your children?  I have.  Here are some of the things that I have said to my kids lately.

"No sweetie, there are no Monsters.  Because they aren't real.  And even if they were, they'd eat Connor first."

"Can you please pick up that crumb and put it in the trash or sink...or just eat it." Said as the crumb is so nicely taken from the floor and put in his sweet mouth.  (Note the sarcasm.)

"No, you can't have another donut.  Because you already had two popsicles, a donut and will have cake later, and honestly I'm afraid what the sugar is going to do to you."

"Do you really think there is a place called Bikini Bottom in the ocean?  Seriously?  And how does a squirrel live down there?  Where is her oxygen tank?  Well how do you think she gets her air?  And do Pineapples grow at the bottom of the ocean?  Really..."

So what have you said lately that you can't believe came out of your mouth?  You can also go to MckMama's Blog and read some of her slips and other peoples too. 

Almost there

Well, we are moved.  It's done.  Thank goodness.  We have almost completed hanging everything and finding a new place for it.  It has been a cleansing process.  So much that just doesn't fit anymore.  Meaning it is out of here.  We are placing things on Craigslist and just donating it all.  We are finding we just have so much stuff.  Stuff that holds no meaning to our life.  Things that are just that...things.  It's amazing that it takes a move to a new house that has less cabinet space to make us realize that we just don't need all that "stuff".  It feels really good to be rid of it all.  Less clutter, less to dust, less to worry about breaking...LESS. 

Why do we feel we need all that "stuff" anyways?  It seems to take our focus off of what is really important.  We allow it to control our lives.  So out with the old "stuff" and in with the new home. 

Home Sweet Home!

God has opened a door that we are happily walking through!  We as of this afternoon we have a home to move to.  We are excited to make this move.  Nicholas has already made a new best friend next door.  The kids are exstatic about the backyard and trees to climb and the hill we will live on to race their bikes down.  

Home Sweet Home!!

Leaning

Today, I am leaning ever so heavily on God.  I feel as though I just may topple over any day, hour, minute, second.  But I know that He has me.  He's got my back.  He's holding me up.  Kind of like this...

His Mighty Hand holding up this fragile tower. 

"Trust in Him at ALL times, O people;

pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."

Psalm 62:8

Our sermon this morning was about following God.  Asking Him specifically in prayer for what we want/need and then being still and listening to Him.  So this afternoon, God and I had a chat.  I talked. He listened.  I asked Him to open or close the doors before us TODAY.  I told Him that I needed to move on to the next step.  To be able to move forward. 

So after our chat, He did just what I asked Him to do.  He closed the door that we had been looking into.  The door I wanted so badly to be the one we were supposed to go through.  Man it hurt when that door slammed shut. 

So, we had another chat.  I poured my heart out to Him and He patiently listened.  When I was done, He gently told me that He understands how I feel, what I want.  But that I need to trust Him.  

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?... "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' (or Where shall we live?  I added this)  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

Matthew 6:26, 31-33

He's got it all under control.  His plan is perfect.  His timing is perfect.  He knows our needs.  He knows our wants.  He knows.

Praise God that He knows!

He Knows!

Moving On...

The time has finally come to end our 8 month waiting period to move out of our house.  It's been wonderful living here. 

The neighbors are great, area great, schools great...but we are told we must move on.  So we are busy packing.

Busy cleaning out what we don't need.

Busy planning were we will go.  Where that is we have yet to figure out.  But the Lord knows where so we are patiently waiting for that door to swing wide open.